How to Give Yourself a Break (by Lisa Lombardi)

The world won't come to a halt if you slack off for a day. Read on to find out why you need to decompress from time to time, then check out our divine suggestions for doing absolutely nada -- your health and happiness depend on it.

It's a knee jerk response: Your friend calls and asks "Whatcha doing?" and you respond, "Oh, nothing." But that couldn't be further from the truth. Think about it. When was the last time you truly chilled, slacked, vegged as opposed to juggling an overbooked social life and a crammed work schedule? Can't remember, huh?

"Women today have been conditioned to believe that we have to do it all, all the time. But taking time out lets you step back and calm down, giving you renewed energy and focus," says Lydia Belton, Ph.D., a psychotherapist who specializes in stress management through hypnosis in New York City. "More people are overscheduled today than ever before," agrees Jane Rinzler Buckinham, president of the trend-tracking agency Youth Intelligence and a Cosmo contributor. "we're overloaded with so many TV channels and Web sites -- with so much at our disposal, we feel guilty if we want to do nothing."

For most women, taking a complete time-out even temporarily is unthinkable -- but that's exact what we desperately need. "Because women are encouraged to fill up their lives--and are naturally good at doing many things at once--they may not realize when they're near the breaking point," says Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Living Your Best life. "The problem is that it's easy to forget to take any time to stop and recharge, which is absolutely necessary to rejuvenate your body and soul." And while the urge to accomplish and achieve is admirable, it's bound to backfire if you don't allow yourself the occasional break. As we'll explain, a little bit of nothing goes a long way, and if you laze a bit every now and then, you'll feel less stressed instantly, more creative, and happier to boot. Here's how to embrace the let-it-go mind set.

The Reasons Women Multitask

"Blame it on your fierce female mind". "Women's brains are hardwired to do numerous things at once, whereas guys are better at focusing on one thing," says Anne Moir, Ph.D., coauthor of Why Men Don't Iron. Studies have shown that the area of the brain that shuttles information from one side to the other is bigger in women than it is in men, enabling us to process more info at once," Moir explains. And its a skill that gets put to use like never before in these stimulating high-tech times. "Technology not only enables us to work more hours and from more locations, but it also allows us to do many things at once -- like read e-mails and listen to voice mail while typing a text message into a cell phone," says Robert Lawrence Friedman, MA, president of Stress Solutions, Inc, a stress-management consulting firm in New York City. "So we think because it's possible, it's preferable--we should do more because we can."

Adding to the chaos is social pressure to be an across-the-board success. "women today face unprecedentsed expctationsin their careers, but the pressure to be on top in the more traditional arenas--cooking dinner, raising children--hasn't let up." explains Beth Montemurro, PhD. assistance professor of sociology at Pennsylvania State University at Abinton. "And the demands are higher at both work at an home: It used to be that you could focus on one or the other. Now you have to do both well." When you consider that women still shoulder the bulk of the parenting, social planning, and household duties, you have a formula for female overload.

Why We Deny Ourselves Downtime

"As a society, we're told to keep busy and get ahead, so the idea of doing nothing seems wasteful and selfish," explains Buckingham. "Couple that with the fact that this generation is incorrectly perceived as lazy, and it's easy to feel like if you take time out, someone will scream "Slacker!"

The workplace may be the biggest guilt inducer. In this lagging economy, letting on that you're not a workaholic can seem like a risky career move. "If others are hustling and you're taking it easy, you can't help but wonder, "What's wrong with me? I should be doing more," say Buckingham."There's a fear you'll be left behind." Laura, 30, can relate: "Even on vacation I feel taht if I'm not reachable, I'm a bad employee," she says. "I have my cell phone with me constantly so my office can call me. I have my laptop with a modem so I can check e-mails. It's not even like I'm away from work."

And when they're finally officially off the clock, many women bring their workaholic ways to their personal lives. "Single women realize they aren't going to meet the man of their dreams while sitting at home," says Buckingham. "It starts to seem like if you skip one party, you could miss meeting The One." Even coupled-up chicks experience the social squeeze. "Women feel like they have to be at every social eventor there's chance they'll miss out on something, whether its juicy gossip or a new job connection," says Barbara L. Heller, author of 365 days to Relax Mind, Body and Soul.

Getting Over the Guilt

There are ways for you to stop feeling torn about doing nada. First, consider your mental motives. "Is it really guilt you're experiencing, or does kicking back just feel strange or uncomfortable because you have gotten out of the habit?" asks Kate Larsen, a corporate and personal success coach in Minneapolis. It can also help to look at the issue with a fresh perspective. "Wouldn't you encourage your friend to not work so hard, to relax, to not feel guilty about taking a breather? Adopting an outsider's point of view makes you realize relaxing is not a crime," Heller suggests.

But if just the thought of taking a total time-out fills you with fear or unsquashable guilt pangs, you may need to start unwinding in super-small increments.

"Remind yourself that you don't necessarily need a large block of time to feel revived," says Belton. "In five minutes or less, you can completely relax." In fact small doses of doing nothing are often the most effective. "Thinking that you need to take a full day or a week to truly unwind just puts more pressure on you," says Larsen. "But building small pauses into your daily routine gives you the benefits without disrupting your life."

And ponder this: Who are you really worried about pleasing, society or yourself? Since 9/11 more people are deciding it's okay to stray from convention. "People now realize that their lives should be about doing what's right for them," says Buckingham. Liz, 28 agrees. "I used to be such a workaholic, I'd spend lunch holding a sandwish in one hand and typing with the other -- every single day," she says. "But now, at least a few times a week, I get out of the office, drive to the deli, and completely zone out for a few minutes, just sitting in my care in the parking lot. And you know what? The work still gets done."

The Benefits of Taking Breathers

Still fear downtime is wasted time? "Doing nothing actually does a lot -- it recharges your batteries so you approach your next task with new perspective. You'll feel more creative and efficient," says Veronique Vienne, author of The Art of Doing Nothing. Maybe you've noticed how putting your brain on autopilot (by doing an ultra-familiar task like washing the dishes or taking a shower) can sometimes help you break through a mental block. Well, there's a reason for those sudden strokes of brilliance, says Moir. Repetitive activities can cause the left side of your brain -- the critical side -- to tune out, so the creative right side can come up with new ideas without the other half critiquing.

And having extra energy makes you magnetic. "It enhances your relationships because when you take a break, you become happier, and you sharethat with others," says Larsen. Another reason to chill: Your health. "Taking time out will reduce stress, helping you sleep better -- a key way to boost your immune system," notes Belton. And the emotional benefits can't be beat. "It's a sign of maturity when you acknowledge it's not about more--it's about better," says Berman Forgang.